She’s gone, what now?
I don’t know how she left. Whether it was after a brief love affair, a ‘Netflix and chill’ or something longer… not necessarily more meaningful. Either way, she’s gone.
I know ‘as guys’ (I say this as ‘a girl’) everyone sort of expects you to have your fun, have sex and be totally cool (if not happy?) if she goes.
This is obviously a really narrow and stupid view of all that it means to be human.
Let’s start with the fact you guys had sex. When people have sex they exchange something beyond the physical and it’s normal on both sides to feel attached.
Then what if there were ‘more emotions’ involved? A connection? An awesome date? A feeling like she could have been the one you were looking for…
And now (for whatever reason!) she’s not coming back. But in the haze of half-sleep, you could almost imagine her still being there next to you.
That is a really horrible feeling.
And sometimes it won’t shake, and you may not have the most amount of people to talk to about it. You may feel embarrassed because you didn’t know her so well, or because it’s been three months now and you’re expected to just be fine.
It is normal to not be ok. There are however some methods you might wanna try to reclaim your space and ctrl alt del where appropriate.
1. Make your room YOUR ROOM again.
No joke. Re-arrange the furniture. Buy new bedding. Move house if you can.
I’m not kidding! Reshuffling the outside world will help you to internally recognise the start of a new era. It’s that great moment where you go ‘they never liked the TV in the bedroom. F-it! I’m getting a plasma in here’ etc.
Reclaim your space.
2. Box up, chuck out and forget about it
If you’ve kept a few of her things (because in that break-up haze you end up thinking like ‘I better save their shampoo, they’ll need that!’) but belongings hold memories and hold you back.
If it’s an unimportant item (shampoo) just chuck it. Throwing their old stuff out feels glorious. I would advice burning it but that’s actually quite tricky to pull off unless you live in a log cabin in the woods. And if you do, hey baby!
If it’s an important item first double-check with a trusted friend that it is in face ‘important’ and if so box it, post it. Don’t write a note. Don’t call her to let her know it’s on its way. You put it in a box, you post it. You’ve done your civic duty.
3. Celebrate even though she’s gone
Greet the all-new era with celebration. It may not feel like something to be happy about but I promise you, you want to start as you mean to go on.
If you can start telling yourself now, that this is about to be the most exciting, happy time in your life then it probably will be.
So before you put those new bed sheets on, get your friends over, buy some drinks, crank up the Kanye and feel all like YEAHHH.
This is another good moment.
Loss is painful in whatever form it comes in, but crucially it brings space. When you have space in your life, and you can smile, good things will flood into it.
Emptiness will eventually become an opportunity and you will forget why she’s gone x