What’s Your Motivation?

motivation [məʊtɪˈveɪʃ(ə)n] n. A reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way.

Decisions come our way every day. Some are big (Should I take that job?), and some are small(er) (Should I say ‘hi’ to her?). To decide what’s truly right and best for us, we need to separate what we want from what we think we want. Discover where our true desires lay, free from fear. What our gut hungers for, not what we think we should do based on x, y, z… he, she, they. Let’s think about WANTING a partner… what’s your motivation for that?

Positive motivation

Are you POSITIVELY motivated?

  • Are you in a great space to have a relationship? When describing your life, would you say you ‘have got your sh*t together’?
  • Perhaps you are in a privileged space where you can give a lot to another person because you are so whole in yourself.
  • You know your life inside out, intrinsically and why it rocks. This is magnetising great people into it & knowing what is a good click for you easy.

Negative motivation

Or are there NEGATIVE motivators at play?

  • Are you concerned you’re getting older/ less attractive/ poorer/ fatter/ more boring and want to find someone fast before your *value* plummets?
  • Do you see what everyone else seems to be doing (they’re all happy, you’re not) so surely having a slice of what they got will fix it, right?
  • Do you feel like time is running out (and you’ve already wasted so much of it) so time to pick up the pace!

your motivation


When you’re working out what you want, try to see where your desire ends and fear begins.

FEAR is natural, to a degree healthy, but left unacknowledged, dressing up as your thoughts, feelings and desires it can cause us to make some seriously stupid decisions, to play a defensive game in life and whack a ton of pressure on us in the process.

Know you and your fears. Know what your wants are and what you’re being tricked into wanting. Stop seeing the relationship as something that will protect you from loneliness, dissatisfaction with your life, a lack of security…

Stop doing things because you’re afraid:

  • The future is coming too fast
  • You’ve wasted time in the past.
  • You’ll be less in the future.
  • You need something to make the past better.

A partner, a luxury product, a job title, often doesn’t bring us closer to what we want and who we really are. It is a plaster, a distraction, and the shadow that stretches out far from the source of your fear.

Acknowledge where you’re at, head straight to the source of your fear, walk up to who you are and get to know what you truly want.

Take positive action to get closer to that: instead of constantly dancing in protective measures to outmanoeuvre all that we fear and clearer happiness will follow.


And if anyone was wondering what happens when you talk to Hayley – this is the ballpark, where we’ll be starting out. Because it’s not about the line, the dress code, or how you play the game…it’s about becoming closer to who you truly are.

So get in touch by joining Hayley Quinn Club!

Hayley Quinn

Hayley Quinn is an internationally recognised dating coach and founder of the UK’s largest dating coaching company. She has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers.

She is the spokesperson for Match, the biggest online dating platform in the world. She has been featured on BBC1, Sky and Channel 4 and is a regular columnist for Cosmopolitan and a contributor to yahoo!style.

Her first fiction book “The Last First Date” has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book “Do This Not That” (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023.

Her goal is to bridge the gap with modern dating and help inspire people to learn to love dating.

Phone: +447517915854
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