Confidence Building

Create Space For Him To Chase!

June 18, 2014
▪ 2 mins read

The Chase

I know every piece of dating advice EVER has told you that men should chase...But if you're not getting any dates that's a little hard to implement right? How do you balance creating space for yourself to date? How do you create space for him to chase?  

And how the hell do you balance being 'pro-active' enough in making your dating life better with still allowing him to be the 'man'?  

I'm a huge believer that if you're not getting the dates you want then there's no point sitting about whining about it, you're not that woman in any other area of your life so don't be like it with dating.  

I do understand though that you want him to take a step forward if you're putting in all this effort to attract, find and even approach him.  

So I want you to keep this one simple idea in mind the next time you kickstart a conversation with a man.


Yep, that's it.  

If you are aware that:

 1. You get nervous around attractive men so speak at a million miles an hour.

 2. You want to impress him so speak quickly trying to express everything about you corrected.

 3. You don't want an awkward silence  

Then I bet you're not stepping back enough to give him the opportunity to step forward.

It's like if you were in a business meeting: you know good negotiators don't blurt everything out right away.

So here's what you need to do. Even when you're tempted to jump into the conversation take a 2-second pause. Look down, lean back, or smile behind your hand... I know this sounds crazy but what you need to communicate to him is:  

"I like you however I think it's your turn."  

A good guy will enjoy this no-pressure invitation to step forward... and guess what? You haven't done all the chasing.  

The timing of when you pause is very important though. Do it too soon and you'll come across as an ice queen (not hot!), leave it too long and you've worked too hard exhausting yourself to impress him (relax!).


If you are struggling to find the balance I want to hear from you. Write to me personally at to share with me your experiences of struggling to find the right balance when you first meet (that rare being!) a guy you may actually like. Or book your session with me today!  


Hayley x

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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