Confidence Building

How to stand out more to men

October 20, 2014
▪ 2 mins read

Standing out in the crowd

Firstly, you don't need to change your DNA to stand out more to men. Nor your hair colour or dress size for that matter. There is a simple psychological technique that will make men approach you more.  

Do you want to be the woman who stands out in a room? Are you always missed out on in favour of your friend? Maybe you are missing out on the one item that makes him want to approach you.  

If he isn’t approaching you it’s for one of two reasons (and the second one won’t be what you expect):

 1. He’s more attracted to other women nearby. OUCH (This doesn’t mean you’re less attractive. You’re just not standing out and you need to understand this is different).

2. He is attracted to you and can’t think of anything to say to you.  

Yup, thanks to 'independent womanhood' men have been left a little uncertain about what’s appropriate (or not) to say to flirt with you.  

Which is why, no matter how much flirtatious eye contact you’re giving him, he’s just not coming to say hi.When you feel like getting a guy to notice you is a challenge this can feel even worse.  

The solution? You need to increase your visibility.  

Basically, you’ve got to understand that men are hardwired to associate a person who looks `unique’ and `stands out’ with being beautiful.


Let me give you an example!  

There is a room of 100 women. One of them wears pink, and everyone else wears grey. Who do you think will stand out immediately? EXACTLY.  

Plus if you’re the only woman wearing pink in the room it’s a great conversation starter for him as it provides an easy basis for a compliment (though tbh no one is ever tearing me away from my black skinny jeans).  

So if you want men to approach you a lot more you have to make yourself more of a conversation starter... it could be that you put on a coat of lipstick on your commute home, you wear a statement piece of jewellery or jeans with a pineapple print.  

You don’t need to be Victoria's Secret model to look sexy - you just need to up your visibility by standing out from the crowd and giving him an easy excuse to say hello.  

Things and details that make men react are fascinating to me. Follow the pictorial journey of my social experiments on my Instagram page!  

Finally, if you would like to learn how to make the first move, book your session with me today!

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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