Dating Tips
For Men

Rewarding & Listening: How to Get People to Open Up

July 17, 2012
▪ 2 mins read

Did you know listening isn't just a way of showing you care?

Listening also allows you to gain the upper hand in arguments, resolve conflicts and really get to the root of what people want.

And if you know what people want then you can:

- Gain a better understanding of their needs and make that sale

- Get them to solve their own problems during an argument

- Become their confidant and gain trust

- Understand what you need to do to persuade a person of your cause.

In short: if you master the art of being a great listener, you can also become incredibly persuasive.

But before we get onto all that persuasive stuff, I want to cover how you can master step one.

Being a great listener.

To be a great listener the person you're speaking to has to feel heard: you need to encourage them to speak.

We encourage people to speak by rewarding people for speaking so far. There are 3 ways we can reward a person to keep chatting to us. After the other person has finished speaking, use a reward to encourage them to keep chatting: and then listen carefully.

Remember the longer the other person speaks for, the more they're opening up and revealing their needs, wants and desires.

This is the key information you need to solve their problems: whether it's resolving an argument or making a sale. So how do you reward a person for listening?

1. You smile and nod

these simple non-verbal signs tell the other person that you're focused & engaged with them.

2. You repeat what they say back to them

"So, you really didn't know that was happening?" Repetition is a SIMPLE way of showing the other person that you're paying attention to.

3. You paraphrase what they say back to them

Sometimes repetition can be a little obvious (& make you sound like a shrink) so probably better to subtly re-work their words "It sounds to me like you were completely unaware?"

Notice as well how every time after you reward a person you use a question to prompt them for more information.

Remember the longer the other person speaks for, the more they're opening up and revealing their needs, wants and desires.

What you do with the information you learn is up to you! But by getting the other person to open up, you're placing yourself in the best position to understand their needs, place them in your debt and make a convincing argument to them.

If you want to sell more, negotiate harder and be more effective at using communication to enable your business to succeed then I will next be delivering a seminar on Negotiate to Win Business in Norwich on July 26th

Save your space today by joining Hayley Quinn Club!

Or contact me for further details: always happy to help!

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About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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