Dating Tips
For Men

She Is Beautiful: Being Direct About Your Feelings

January 29, 2013
▪ 2 mins read

How to do it tastefully

I’m going to tell you exactly what happens when you want to tell a woman that she is beautiful.

You feel an INSTINCT of ATTRACTION in your gut (it’s the one that makes you DESIRE HER but feels ANXIOUS to APPROACH her).

Then when I'm coaching guys I see one, or several of these scenarios happen:

Scenario 1

You’re worried about what that guy over there will think if you’re open about your feelings. So you choose to play it safe. If you’re in a shop you may loiter next to her for a bit. Then you can ask her about which brand of olive oil she prefers... when what you mean to say is:

"Wow, when you moved past me I instantly thought wow she is beautiful. So I had to say `hi’"

She then gets SUSPICIOUS because she recognises there’s a mismatch between what you’ve just said to her and what you FEEL.

Scenario 2

You’re worried that if you’re 100% honest with her she will feel either:

  • Uncomfortable
  • Egotistical

Let’s deal with both. Yes, she could feel egotistical if you compliment her. (Though many beautiful women wander around every day feeling unattractive, wondering where all the good guys are.) However, this only works if you see paying someone a compliment as having a direct link to wanting to have sex with that person.

Flip your mindset around. NOW.

  • Give the compliment because you want to express yourself, not impress her.
  • HAVE HIGHER STANDARDS physical attraction is your reason to go say `hi’, after that desire to connect with her as a human being before you take things further.
  • Make your compliment SPECIFIC & SPONTANEOUS to her, because you FELT it. She will know you haven’t just said the same thing to 5 other women that day.

Scenario 3

You’re worried that she’ll reject you if you put yourself on the line by being OPEN about how you feel- so you choose to use a line that worked for some other dude. Question yourself here: what do you think is so wrong with you as a human being that you have to try to copy someone else’s words to impress her?

Instead of spending a lot of time/ energy/ money learning how to behave like someone else; focus on getting PROUD of who you are than all those signs of CONFIDENCE that you were trying to mimic will sort themselves out.

I promise.

Don’t allow your INSTINCTS, your FEELINGS, to become nothing more than Chinese whispers of what it once was after it has bypassed social pressure and the perils of your conscious mind.

Start on this journey today and every day you will reap the rewards of saying `’I want you" rather than "I want your help with directions".

Want help getting started on your journey, learn how to tell her she is beautiful and to start being true to yourself? Then book your session with me today!

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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