For Men

The Dating Strategy You Need To Attract Her

April 16, 2021
▪ 7 mins read

Let me teach you how to attract her

In my last blog I spoke to you about how to attract high quality women. How do I know what works with women like these?I coach them.

Yep, the women I work with are a long way away from being desperately single. Meeting men is not an issue for them. Meeting a man they like enough to want to stick with, that’s another story.

And here’s what sucks...

A lot of the time women may be coming across amazing men (like you!) who could be a great partner to her, but they don’t see your value.She may not immediately get why you could be so right for her. Dating really is a communications exercise.

She needs to understand why you could be a great guy to date...

And she needs to understand FAST.

As you may have noticed women don’t often `give things a chance’ if they don’t feel a strong click right away. The reason for this?She doesn’t want to waste your time, and she certainly doesn’t want to waste hers.

First of all she’s busy: she’s got a cool career, an active social life, and the man of her dreams to meet.Secondly, women do feel under time pressure to choose the right guy.So you really need to rapidly communicate to her that you’re the kind of man that she needs to give a chance to.

Here are 10 places where you should start:


It is a lot easier to execute the right actions when you have the right mindset.

Rather than having to `fake it’ and pretend to be Mr. Alpha Confident (which btw, this high quality woman will see through in a heartbeat) you want to authentically develop high standards for the women you want to date.

It becomes a lot easier to hold high standards, when you feel you have a choice with the women you date, which leads me to my next 2 points.

Tip: Even if you don’t have this `abundance’ now, start acting like you do. DO NOT chase women who aren’t making an effort to meet, or communicate with, you.

Online Dating Profile:

Your dating app profile should be like your personal brand.

One of the biggest online dating mistakes I see is a profile that’s too sporadic: in one picture you’re jumping off a boat, in another you’re in a suit, in another you’re with a group of friends at a party.

"But isn’t it good to show her all the different parts of my life?"

Sometimes no it isn’t. Sometimes if one photo wins her over, another will put her off. Your online dating profile should be like a strong consolidated brand where she instantly gets what you’re about.

Tip: Go through your profile now and if you’re 50/50 about a picture remove it. And if you’re 50/50 about all your photos, then we need to fix this!!

Meeting her IRL:

What she’ll discriminate against online she’ll overcome IRL.

It’s no secret that some women discriminate against height on dating apps; and no I don’t like that either!Here’s the thing, when something is a number on a screen, it’s easy to think, 'no thanks!’ When you feel a click with someone IRL though, she’ll find herself letting go of any preconceived ideas of who she should date.

Now I know C19 hasn’t made it very easy to meet women this past year, but with all restrictions lifting in the UK next month (are you ready to meet women IRL? We are!), and the hope of a vaccine helping lots of countries become more open, you really want to master this skill.

Tip: Even if you can’t meet women today can you draw up a list of potential locations to check out after the pandemic? Think where would this cool, sophisticated, beautiful woman hang out?

Be A Great Conversationalist:

Your conversation skills can be your super power in communicating why you’re her guy.

But I know they don’t always come easily. Particularly if you have a more logical job (hello to my engineer friends out there!) you may not get a lot of practice at these soft skills that make her like you. Obviously this is a huge area of study, but if I had to give you one golden piece of advice off the top of my head, it’s to be different.

Tip: Be unique in the kind of words and phrases that you use. Why say, "How are you?" when you could say, "How’s Monday morning suiting you so far?"


Messaging should be another `easy win’ for you to communicate points of difference between you and the next guy.So don’t waste this opportunity to take your first communication with her in an interesting, unique, and playful direction.

Tip: Don’t think, `how many messages do I need to send her before it’s okay to ask her out?’, think `I’m only going to ask her out if we have a fun vibe on text.’ And yes you can create this!


Fashion is `instant communication’.

For this modern, high value woman, her first impressions of your style will tell her whether you’re part of the same social group as her.It’s a (relatively) easy way to make her give you more of a chance from the get go.

Tip:Your wardrobe should be well fitted: don’t try to hide your body shape under swathes of clothes.


She needs to feel you `get’ her.

Asking her out because she’s hot? That’s not going to work.A high value man could date plenty of attractive women, so you need to establish why you’re making an effort to get to know her.

Tip:Listening doesn’t sound like the sexiest quality but it can be an introvert super power in enabling you to figure out what she’s really about. Women love it when you notice them for who they really are, not their photos on Instagram.


You need to show her that you’re attracted to her, in a way that isn’t heavy handed or clumsy.

A lot of men I coach feel like they have to make it very clear that they’re attracted to a woman, or else she’ll put them in `the friend zone’. You know what though? Over egging the flirtation can send you way past `the friend zone’ and into the `hell no’ zone.

Tip: Don’t make the conversation explicitly sexual too soon, nothing will convey neediness like it!


For her to feel attracted to you, it’s often not a case of `does he like me?’ but `is he sincere?’

She will have had her fair share of guys who promised the moon and couldn’t fulfill on it: she needs to feel like you’re secure, stable and sincere.

Tip:A lot of the time guys focus too much on communicating their intentions (that they’re attracted to her) rather than communicating trust.

If you’re a high value guy it’s likely that trust is going to be the more important value for you to put across: she won’t doubt that there’s some attraction there, but she may get cold feet about following it up.

Being proactive:

You need to consistently approach dating with a growth mindset.

This means that you start to take full responsibility for the outcome of your dating life.That you're really going to commit to going after the high quality woman you deserve.

I want to help you on the journey to attract her.

attract her

That’s why I’m so excited to announce that after over a year’s hiatus Im finally able to run my 10 week men’s dating accelerator programme: Academy.

But this time we're doing things a little differently!

You can follow Academy entirely online or (if you’re based in or able to travel to the UK) come and coach with me in person*.

(Note: During the 10 week programme we have one optional live training weekend, and of course we've timed it for the first weekend after all restrictions lift in the UK: June 25-27th. It's going to be crazy! Women are really going to be excited to meet you IRL again.)

We start on May 10th.

Academy programme address each one of these challenges highly personalised detailed coaching from me and my team, for a fraction of the cost of working with me 1-1.

We have a new and more detailed programme than ever before so read the next email to discover how you can level up to being the man who attracts her.

And even if you're not quite ready to join Academy and start meeting the women you want, read the email anyway, as I’ll be there giving you tons of practical, ethical advice too!

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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