Now if there’s any day of the year that you might want to give a girl a compliment it’s V Day. Today, in my Ask A Female Dating Coach special blog edition I will answer the often asked question: How to pay a compliment? Especially on Valentine's Day!
The problem is- most compliments you'll ever give a woman won't work because:
- You're giving the compliment for the wrong reason (because you want to receive something, instead of giving something)
- You compliment something generic: if she's heard the compliment a million times before why should she care this time? What shows her that you're different from that other guy??
A compliment given the wrong way makes you seem weak
A misplaced and misused compliment will make the girl feel either:
- Awkward and uncomfortable or
- Arrogant and dismissive
In fact, giving a compliment the wrong way is a key problem I see tons of guys, month in month out, tripping upon. Compliments can be direct and sexy: but they can also come across as weak and needy.
So how do you avoid the woman you approach feeling awkward or arrogant? How do you give a compliment that has the right effect? Where she thinks:
`He totally gets me: I want to know more about him...’
Tackling each problem one by one
First of all, why would a woman feel uncomfortable when you’re trying to be nice to her? Well, probably because she feels that you didn’t really mean what you said. This happens when you give a compliment that’s:
- Too generic
- Too centred on physical appearance.
"I really like your eyes"
Will not make her gush... instead, she’ll think you’re just into her for her `eyes’ (read *legs*), and that she’s heard it all before. Overcome this by making your compliment specific.
Make it personal by focusing on her behaviour/ personality if possible!- *As a female dating coach I teach this to my clients, and it works every time!
"I really like the way you roll your eyes every time I pay you a compliment."
"I like how you’ve done your eye shadow with those little dots: it’s very unusual."
Now the things about paying a SPECIFIC and PERSONAL compliment- is that you shouldn’t pay them too often.
This brings us to problem two!
Over complimenting women will make them think that you are DESPERATE to win their affection, and will make them feel SUPERIOR to you, rather than just pleasantly flattered.
Think about it: if you have tons of something (money, time, girlfriends) you probably don’t value it that much.
Giving a girl compliment after compliment, enthusing endlessly about her life, nodding frantically and beaming just because she’s talking to you only says one thing:
"I am so happy that you’re taking the time to speak to me."
She should be so lucky that she’s got a great guy like you flirting with her!
Avoid over-praising her by cutting down on tons of meaningless compliments, and replacing with just one or two really personal compliments.
Two neat tricks to do this are:
- Compliment yourself at the same time you compliment her: and show how you relate to her as a person.
"It’s cool that you’re into fitness: one of my favourite things is waking up in the morning and going for a run, the colder outside the better!"
- Compliment her but express a sincere interest in her at the same time.
"It’s cool that you’re into fitness: so are you a yoga lover or one of those people that spends about an hour pounding on the treadmill?"
By RELATING yourself to her, you can find common ground, and show how you are a great match.
Be SINCERE by showing a genuine interest in her as a person.
So if you want to pay a compliment on February 14th (or any time you want to make her day) that makes her feel intrigued, not arrogant; attracted, not awkward, then keep it:
If you want to be the kind of guy that can relate to women, that can use conversation to create attraction, that wants to improve what kind of relationships you’re having then I can help.
Want to ask a female dating coach a question of your own or talk to me? Book your consultations now or join Hayley Quinn Club today!
Wanna see more questions people ask Hayley? Check Hayley's YouTube Channel for insightful videos like the one bloow!