Dating Tips
For Men

Three Ways to Make Women Want You and Not Your Wallet

July 19, 2011
▪ 3 mins read

How thick is your wallet?

It’s Friday night at about 4 am. You’ve wound up in the VIP of a night club, full of beautiful women that are flirting with you. Trouble is you don't want to date a woman who is more interested in your wallet than you. So how do you connect with her despite where you've met?

1. Praise them for who they are not what they look like

Attractive women get told they look good regularly. Say the same and you’ll seem just like every other guy. Besides, check out this clich√©, no matter how beautiful a woman is, she will respect you more for talking to her on a level.  

So always seek to understand what they’re like as a person. Show genuine interest in what her passion is. (tip: it isn't going to be nightclubs) Encourage her to express what she really thinks about where you are by indulging in some people watching with her.

You: "I have to admit I'm curious about what the story is with that couple over there. I don't know what you think, but it looks like an awkward first date to me..."  

You: "Nice work how you greeted all those new people at the table, I can tell you're a pretty smooth operator, you're pretty socially savvy, right?"

2. Take them out of the club, mentally, then physically

Don’t get stuck talking about the club environment. Find out about what their passions are in life, and get them talking about what makes them tick when it's not 3 am.  

When they start to talk about a place, or an activity, that they love to encourage them to go into lots of detail about it. Get them to describe it in detail and ask gently `why’ they like it so much. As they begin to specify what they’re thinking about they’ll mentally focus on a positive experience that is outside of the club: and associate you with it.  

Once their mind is outside of the club, you’ll stand a much better chance of getting their body to follow.

3. Don’t let them `game’ you

Nightclubs often create an unrealistic environment where a woman is constantly rewarded on the basis of her looks. She gets in for free, flirts with the barman for free drinks and gets access to the VIP. This means women are naturally a little more on edge and behaving in a slightly more superficial way.  

Can you blame her? It's a highly competitive environment where she's being judged on her appearance.  

Don't buy into that: be a different guy. You do this by being mindful of the normal 'lines' she will use when she's chatting to guys in clubs that allow her to avoid being emotionally intimate with you and making a genuine connection.

Be wary that she's not speaking sincerely, but rather in a formulated way when she's:

  • Gently teasing you about being a player
  • Playing games like `guess what country I’m from’
  • Asking you leading questions like `Don’t you think I look cute in this outfit?’

These are all ways in which she's leading the conversation, and running the show. Give them the answer they expect and you’ll be just like every other guy, and playing their game. Instead take control, by stating your opinions and being ok to change the topic if you don't think you're getting the real deal.  

Bottom Line: to be perceived as a genuine guy and not a meal ticket. You need to appreciate and speak to her like she's a genuine woman and not just a body in a cute dress. This is how you get her to be interested in more than just your wallet.  

For more practice approaching & meeting women in nightclubs, as well as making sure your wallet is not the most interesting thing about you, book your coaching session today!

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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