Dating Tips
For Men

Verbalise Don't Internalise: Live in the Moment

January 13, 2012
▪ 2 mins read

They're checking their phone, their feet are shuffling.

They flick between making eye contact with you and clocking their watch.What are they trying to tell you? They're busy? They don't want to talk to you? Maybe it's best that you just give up now, and forget it?- It's easy to fall into the trap of internal monologue, but trust me, you need to verbalise your thoughts now!

Panic 101

When someone gives us a non-verbal cue that they don't want to speak to us anymore we flick straight into panic mode.

We should be noticing that a person isn't responding well to what we're doing, and adjusting our behaviour to tackle the situation. But instead, we often descend into straight out, collar sweating, panic.

You begin to fumble over your words, racing over everyone, become overly apologetic. You do nothing to re-engage their interest. Instead, you look like you deserve to be ignored, or not taken seriously.

Do you know what is a way easier way to deal with someone giving you a sign that they are disinterested in you?

Acknowledge it: verbalise it.

Calmly, confidently, state (with a friendly smile across your face) that you've noticed their non-verbal cue.

Maybe you'd think that this might come across as rude. However, you will be AMAZED at how direct you can be when you preface whatever you say with an 'I like' or an 'I love'.

"I love how you're multitasking by checking your phone whilst you're speaking to me."

"I like how you're itching to go so much. Your feet are literally starting to shuffle in the other direction."

By expressing a negative remark as a positive compliment it will allow you to deliver your challenge to the other person in a way that says:

'I find your indifference to me kind of funny, so let's cut to the chase because I'm a person that deserves your respect.'

Result: you see cool, confident and just like the kind of person they want to talk to.

If you want to learn any more about how you can master the art of conversation for business, dating, or socialising then
book a session with Hayley about improving your social skills.

Hayley Quinn smiling profile
About the author

Hayley Quinn is a leading dating and relationship coach, with 3 million views of her TEDx talk and 18 million YouTube views. She is spokesperson for Match, a columnist for Cosmopolitan, a regular contributor to international media, and has been published by Harper Collins (“The Last First Date”, 2022) and Simon & Schuster (“Do This, Not That: Dating”, 2023).

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